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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22464946">You must be the best judge of your own happiness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipitous_rambles/pseuds/serendipitous_rambles'>serendipitous_rambles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"What if?": Awae Season 4 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, gilbert and anne talk things out, it's not angsty, lovesick gilbert, they support and help each other, what we need for s4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:28:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22464946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipitous_rambles/pseuds/serendipitous_rambles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Anne is babysitting Dellie, but starts thinking about the future...and it scares her a little...</p>
<p>///</p>
<p>Title from Emma by Jane Austen</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>"What if?": Awae Season 4 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595380</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>174</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You must be the best judge of your own happiness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There really was nothing quite like being home in Avonlea for the summer. Anne loved Charlottetown and all a big city could offer, but she missed the quietness and calmness of her small town. Not to mention a certain someone was also home from college. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some evenings were spent strolling arm in arm with Gilbert through the fields, taking in the warm summer breeze, and others were split between Green Gables and the Blythe-Lacroix homestead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Whenever Gilbert was at Green Gables, he would insist on helping with the cooking even if he spent more time being distracted by Anne than actually cooking (Marilla says it doesn’t matter, but Gilbert’s pretty sure she’s still holding a grudge against him dripping stew all over the floor).</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But one summer afternoon, Anne had gone over to Gilbert’s desperate to spend some time with the quickly growing Dellie. She could now babble a few words, and Anne was excited to soon teach her all her own favourite words. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bash and Gilbert were out in the orchard, picking apples, leaving Anne alone with Dellie. Mrs Lacroix had been reluctant at first to let Anne take sole charge of the baby, but (after persuasion from Bash) she’d soon realised Anne was more than capable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anne came out and sat on the porch, with Dellie in her lap. It was such a lovely day it seemed like a waste to sit inside, and besides if it meant she could get a sneaky view of Gilbert in that floppy hat that was too big for his head then that was an added bonus. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked over at her, holding a hand up to wave and she picked up one of Dellie's little hands to wave back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bash followed Gilbert's gaze, watching as the boy watched Anne with Dellie. She was bouncing the baby on her lap, making silly faces to make her laugh. Gilbert's gaze grew soft and Bash almost threw up at how lovesick the boy looked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't go getting any ideas Blythe." Bash laughed, and Gilbert finally turned his gaze from Anne. "One baby is enough around here."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Gilbert laughed, shaking his head, not wanting to even dignify that with a response and simply dismissed him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"How is Miss Stacy. Or should I say Muriel?" Gilbert changed the subject, making Bash uncomfortable.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"None of your business. We're just friends." Bash wouldn't look at him, hiding behind his hat. He and Miss Stacy had bumped into each other a few times, especially after she had built them a smoker so they could have smoked fish. His mother had been skeptical at first but slowly warmed up to the idea. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Just friends huh? Where have I heard that before?" Gilbert raised an eyebrow, thinking back on all those years he'd constantly denied his feelings for Anne, playing them off as "just friends". How he'd ever thought he could be merely just friends with Anne was beyond him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not indulging your wild imagination. You've been spending too much time with Anne."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I don't think that's possible." Gilbert sighed, knowing that in a few weeks they'll have to part once more for college. "I'm going to get some water."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't take too long. These apples won't pick themselves."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Gilbert dropped his bag of apples, trying to restrain himself from breaking into a full sprint towards Anne. He perched himself down on the porch next to her, taking Dellie into his own lap.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He'd missed her since he'd been at college. She kept growing so quickly, and now she was beginning to start mumbling words. Anne had been trying to teach her to say her name, but so far could only manage a gurgle of "nan". </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But her favourite word to say was excitedly gasping "Gib" whenever Gilbert entered the room. Anne found it particularly funny whenever she did it, just like she’d done the second he sat down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hi Gib." Anne laughed as he ruffled Dellie's hair.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Only Dellie gets to call me that." he took off his hat, placing it on the baby’s head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her whole face disappeared, but she giggled, her little hands coming up to grasp at the rim. It was like she wanted to play pee-ka-boo, hiding under the hat as Gilbert made silly faces at her. Anne leaned on her elbows, caught up in a moment just watching him play. It was nice seeing him this way, so carefree.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You really have a way with her." Anne said without really thinking. "Not many men would bother to look after a baby."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Gilbert shrugged, "I don't mind. And I suppose it's all good practice."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Practice?" Anne’s chest grew tight. Suddenly things seemed less fun. What did he mean...practice?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Hopefully one day when I have my own children I'll know what I'm doing. We won't be completely helpless." he said it so nonchalantly, bouncing Dellie up and down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Right…" Anne stood up quickly. "I just remembered I promised Marilla I'd be home. I have to go."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Anne? Wait, I'll walk you home." Gilbert stood up, holding Dellie in one arm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"You're busy. I'll see you tomorrow." She was backing away, nervously patting down her dress. “Goodbye Dellie!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Anne briskly began walking away from the house, her stomach feeling sick. Gilbert was already talking about babies. But they’re not even engaged. They’re still kids. She’s not ready. She’s still got college. But he’s already ready for children. How can she tell him? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Gilbert watched her leave, and he ran over to Bash, dumping Dellie in his arms with no explanation before running after Anne.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She had hitched up her dress, breaking into a run once out of sight of the orchard but Gilbert also broke into a run.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Anne stop!" he caught up with her, lightly grabbing her hand to keep her still. "You can tell me what's wrong."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She looked at their intertwined hands, then met his eyes. He could see the panic in her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"When you said it was good practice with Dellie I just...I panicked. I know you're expecting so much but I'm still young, </span>
  <em>
    <span>we’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> still young. And there's so much I want to do before I have kids and I know it's bound to happen one day but I don't know when and I worry you'll want it sooner and I don't want to disappoint you. And you haven’t even properly </span>
  <em>
    <span>proposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> yet but I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span> and -"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"Anne," he rubbed her arms reassuringly, "I won't lie that I haven't thought about it, about the future. Our future. But that's </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I promise, it won't be for a long time, until you're ready. Until </span>
  <em>
    <span>we're </span>
  </em>
  <span>ready. Together. But we're good right now as things are. I just want you. My Anne with an e."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"I do want a family one day. But not yet. I want to make something of myself first."</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"And I wouldn't want you to give up your dreams just because of me. I couldn't live with myself if I did.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Anne reached up to cup his cheek, and he leaned against her palm, "I’m sorry I ran out on you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"It’s my fault. I wasn’t thinking about what I was saying. I thought for a moment you’d changed your mind. All I want is for you to be happy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I really do love you, you know that?” she couldn’t bear the idea that Gilbert thought she didn’t want him anymore. “That’s the one thing I’m certain about.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s promise to never be afraid to tell each other what’s on our minds.” she held up a pinky finger, old habits die hard.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He laughed, wrapping his pinky around her smaller one and shaking it a little as he said, “Promise.” </span>
</p>
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